An American ate my werewolf from London
by happy molecule
Summary: Sam discovers the real reason why all her boyfriends keep dying. Teal'c inspires revolution amongst the migrant workers of an amusement park
1. Jack's mistake

A/N: Yay! My first fanfic in like whatever! Last night I saw the episode "grace" (australian tv is so far behind!) and it was so sad coz now Sam and Jack aren't going 2 get together! Yeah im a shipper now… This chapter is dedicated to Brett Finch, who successfully got his dangerous tackle or whatever charge downgraded. Yay!

"Swing low!"

"No! Swing high!"

"Knock his freaking head off!"

The last remark was from Teal'c. Jack grinned, but tried desperately to clear his mind. He swung his stick back slightly, lining up the shot, trying to guess which way the goalie would go. Left? Right? Split in half and go both ways?! Over his head fluorescent numbers counted down.

5….

4……

3…….

Jack swung.

He watched, in slow motion, as the puck slid across the ice, faster than a speeding bullet. He saw the goalie move to deflect, but miss and trip over his pads. He, Jonathon O'Neil, had made the shot.

The crowd erupted. He'd made the shot! Jack grinned. He'd just won the playoffs! Sweet….

People patted him on the back, congratulated him, shouted everything at him, but he didn't notice because Sam was running towards him and wrapping her arms around him and he around her and was kissing her soft lips and tasting her sweet tongue-

"Sir?"

Jack realised with a shock that he was still sitting in the commissary with Sam, who had been talking about god knows what whilst he'd been staring at her for the past five minutes.

"Do you want to?"

Jack had no idea what she was talking about.

"Sure." He replied.

And that was how he found himself standing in front of a mall at 0530 on a freezing Sunday morning, waiting to buy Daniel some shoes.


	2. The shopping centre

A/N: YAY! THERE'S GOING TO BE A SEASON NINE OF STARGATE! This is set pre-season 8 because I just realised I wrote the whole thing calling Jack "colonel"! I'm such a fool…

Jack dodged yet another crazy mother with a pram as he tried in vain to listen to Daniel's plan.

"If we split up, we can cover both routes. Teal'c you're with me."

"Sweet, Carter, you're with me."

"Wait, I'm stuck with _the Colonel_?! Daniel, why the hell do I have to shop with him?!"

"Because I don't want to."

And with that, both Daniel and Teal'c disappeared. Sam stared longingly after them.

"Carter, I'm hurt. You don't want to shop with me?"

"Colonel, I'd do anything with you. Except shop."

Jack smirked slightly as his mind raced over the possibilities of that last statement.

"C'mon Carter… it's not going to be that bad-"

"-it'll be worse."

"We're all alone in a shopping centre, with a whole day ahead of us, sales all around us, and Daniel's wallet."

Sam spun around to face him, her eyes wide.

"What?!"

Jack held up the wallet, grinning.

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

"All the time."

"Sexcellent. Let's go."

As he was whisked away through the crowds by his beloved, sexy, brilliant, courageous, etc 2IC, Jack grinned once again, knowing it would not be the last time he grinned today. Against all odds, he had gotten his beloved Major to say those three little words. His plan was going swimmingly well – swell, even.

His next step – to come up with a plan.

A/N: Sexcellent is my friend's word. And I just saw Affinity and I CANNOT BELIEVE Sam is going to marry pete! That TRAITOR! Poor Jack…


	3. Missing 2IC's and a lack of green shoes

A/N: YAY! I **FINALLY** got my computer fixed (after it was broken for like 3 months!) so I can finally update! So happy… DEAR GOD! We're down to the LAST 5 EPS of season 8 and I'm soooo excited! It's going to be great! Except I think Jacob's going to die sob! Anyhoo…the cd mentioned is a sort-of 'compilation' by a band called AFI (who are THE BEST BAND IN THE WORLD) of their first 5 albums. Everybody should CHECK THEM OUT! And now, on with the story…

Jack pulled out a cd tentatively. The name sounded vaguely familiar. He flipped it over and scanned over the track listing. It sounded like the kind of music Carter would listen to…Lost souls…Days of the Phoenix…Winters Tale…. Ah ha! This one he knew: God called in sick today…

"Oh Carter! I found your cd!" he sang. Jack looked up.

"Carter?"

No response.

"Ah, crap."

He'd lost his Sam.

**MEANWHILE…**

On the other side of the shopping centre, the grass was not greener. And neither were the shoes.

"There appear to be no green shoes here, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c helpfully informed his shopping companion.

"I knooooooOOOOOOOoooow!" Daniel wailed. "I don't understand! They were here yesterday!"

"Then perhaps they will return tomorrow."

"TOMORROW!"

"Yes, tomorrow."

Daniel looked hopeful for a second.

"Maybe they will…."

"Nope, sorry, we won't be getting any more in," a random salesman passing by informed them. "That particular colour has been discontinued."

Daniel groaned and sank to the floor in despair.

"I was so determined to get those shoes. I was so sure that they'd be here, that they could fill the hole in my heart caused by Sha're's death, the kind of hole that could only be filled in by jade havaiianas," Daniel whimpered, his face ashen white. He looked up at Teal'c with large, tear-filled eyes. "And now, I'll never have that."

Teal'c was starting to grow anxious. He had never seen Daniel, or anybody else for that matter, behaving this way over a pair of shoes.

"Why do you not simply purchase a different colour?"

"Buy another colour? BUY ANOTHER COLOUR!" Daniel screeched. He calmed himself down at looked at Teal'c dangerously. "No, Teal'c, I will not buy another colour. I will not bow to pressure from the fashion industry. If I give in on this issue, if I buy, say, blue shoes, then where will it stop? What issue will we have to surrender on next? Will we just let the Trust walk all over us? Allow the Goa'uld to take over Earth! Create laws to stop terrorists and mad scientists from obtaining nuclear weapons!"

Daniel realized his ranting was reaching a dangerously loud level, and paused for a moment, calming himself once more.

"No, Teal'c, I will not live in a world where mad scientists can't have bombs. And that is why I must become a Communist."

And with that, he purposefully strode towards the exit. Teal'c stared at his retreating form, completely and utterly confused. His thoughts were, as O'Neill may have put it, (but probably wouldn't've) "Seriously, dude, WHAT THE HELL!"

Daniel appeared to pause for a moment, as though waiting for Teal'c to join him. However, if Daniel Jackson believed that Teal'c was going to become a suicide bomber and save the gay whales or whatever insane cause he was pursuing this time, he was wrong. Teal'c was hungry. And that only meant one thing: the food court.


	4. The revolution begins

A/N: I know in public Teal'c is referred to as "Murray" because people can't know he's an alien and blah blah blah but for the sake of this story he'll call himself "Teal'c".

Teal'c looked around, discombobulated. Where had the food court gone? Actually, now that he thought about it, where had the shopping centre gone? Teal'c looked around. He was standing in the midst of a dark, eerie tunnel. A foul wind sent chills down his spine. The entire place reeked of despair, smothering him like a rancid blanket. Or maybe that was just the stench of that rotting carcass beside his foot. A sudden noise made Teal'c spin around, reaching in vain for his beloved staff weapon that, sadly, was not there. The noise stopped, and Teal'c realized that there were now three small men standing before him. Their appearance reminded him of those the Tau'ri often designated as "hobos" or "Jet" – dirty, smelly, unshaven men with inadequate clothing.

"Who are you?" one of them asked in heavily accented English.

"Teal'c," Teal'c replied.

"From Ferris Wheel?" another asked.

Teal'c frowned.

"What is a Ferris Wheel?"

Their eyes widened. The tallest of the three, who had been the first one to speak to him, nervously asked Teal'c, "Are you from the surface? From _America_?"

Teal'c did not know how to explain that he was, in fact, from Chu'lak. And so he did what he had seen Major Carter do on many occasions when faced with the prospect of answering yet another of O'Neill's many, many questions. He simply smiled and said, "Yes."

The others gasped and began to whisper furiously amongst themselves. Teal'c understood nothing of what was said, but he assumed it was about him. Finally the tallest, who seemed to be the leader of this motley trio, stepped forward.

"I am Mohammed," he said, indicating first to himself and then to the other two. "This is Júan and Andrej. We are the workers of the Whirl-a-Twirl. You must come with us."

And with that, the three turned and scuttled down a side passage.

Teal'c followed his leaders through a maze of tunnels, finally finding himself in a large underground cavern. Teal'c looked at the scene before him with a mixture of awe, revulsion and a thousand other emotions he had never felt before. Decrepit shacks encircled a complicated labyrinth of wires and beams. Thousands of people, ranging from young babies to the elderly were going about their daily chores – washing, playing, or working within the labyrinth itself.

"What is this place?" Teal'c asked.

"This is home," Júan answered. Mohammed elaborated.

"It is the underside of Whirl-a-Twirl ride. When we came to America, we were given choice – either we are to be deported, or we work here. In return for manually spinning the ride, we are given place to live, and a never-ending supply of fairy floss."

His eyes narrowed. "We are _slaves _in the land of freedom."

"Mohammed, I believe it is time for a rebellion."


End file.
